Does anyone else get whizzy-brain syndrome? The kind of fullness that comes from trying to absorb too much or maybe do too much thinking or maybe the kind of itchy brain fever that you get when you read too many blogs that make you feel...well, like you're doing it wrong.
I got the whizzy fever bad today.
Today on the whizzy-brain front, I wanna new job, I wanna new house, I have decided that all the things I thought were important were really silly surface things and now I just want more real. More real relationships with people, more real connections, a real job/career/direction that means I can do something useful with this strange thing called lifespan. And I want to try and get some of this done before my desire for kidlets actually kills me! ( Damn you biological urge)
So we all search for guidance outside of ourselves. I read lots of books and read interesting blogs and seek out wise people. And then I feel really ick. Cos I'm doing it all wrong you see. I'm not enough of a rebel, I like comfort too much, I don't want to go to India and meditate in an ashram for 2 months. I like drinking cider and watching silly Hollywood movies, I like dyeing my hair and turning on the heater all the time in winter. I don't put myself out there ( A statement I never understood but I believe it to be something like prostitution if your single and quite like prostitution if you're trying to find an interesting job)
What is it like wanting to fly far away and try new things all the time and constantly push yourself out of your comfort zone? Cos as far as I can tell that's what I'm supposed to want if I want a 'real' life. The kind of life rebels have. I'm supposed to be more of everything as far as I can tell.
Just thinking about it makes me want some cake and a lie down. I think I'll pass actually. I think I'll have the fake life that means I don't do the things right. That mean I get to lounge around with my kitties and NOT be brilliant at craft and watch the right films and read the right books and eat at the right places.
In fact I'm going to start a society. An appreciation society. Perhaps we can call it 'Infinite Wednesday Club' and we can get together and do nothing, and be very dull and rebel against everything with our passivity.
Let's bake cakes and not know where the latest bar is. Let's read books we love again and again, in fact let's have a book club where we only read books that we've read before. Let's never see unhappy german films by that director who made Funny Games. Let's wear lots of clothes because we're cold. Let's grow our hair because we want to put it up in a ponytail, not because all the Frankie girls are wearing it long. Let's not ride cute vintage bikes and let's not buy oversized non-prescription glasses. Let's never talk to people like we're waiting for someone cooler to arrive. Let's ask questions about each other and really want to know the answer. Let's not just communicate using Twitter. Let's have pets and stay in the one house for years and years. Let's travel to the places we want to go too, rather than the ones on Lonely Planet's Blue list. Let's build tree-houses and let's not go thrift shopping. ( Maybe op-shopping...)
Let's just be. Usually on a wednesday.