Does anyone else get whizzy-brain syndrome? The kind of fullness that comes from trying to absorb too much or maybe do too much thinking or maybe the kind of itchy brain fever that you get when you read too many blogs that make you feel...well, like you're doing it wrong.
I got the whizzy fever bad today.
Today on the whizzy-brain front, I wanna new job, I wanna new house, I have decided that all the things I thought were important were really silly surface things and now I just want more real. More real relationships with people, more real connections, a real job/career/direction that means I can do something useful with this strange thing called lifespan. And I want to try and get some of this done before my desire for kidlets actually kills me! ( Damn you biological urge)
So we all search for guidance outside of ourselves. I read lots of books and read interesting blogs and seek out wise people. And then I feel really ick. Cos I'm doing it all wrong you see. I'm not enough of a rebel, I like comfort too much, I don't want to go to India and meditate in an ashram for 2 months. I like drinking cider and watching silly Hollywood movies, I like dyeing my hair and turning on the heater all the time in winter. I don't put myself out there ( A statement I never understood but I believe it to be something like prostitution if your single and quite like prostitution if you're trying to find an interesting job)
What is it like wanting to fly far away and try new things all the time and constantly push yourself out of your comfort zone? Cos as far as I can tell that's what I'm supposed to want if I want a 'real' life. The kind of life rebels have. I'm supposed to be more of everything as far as I can tell.
Just thinking about it makes me want some cake and a lie down. I think I'll pass actually. I think I'll have the fake life that means I don't do the things right. That mean I get to lounge around with my kitties and NOT be brilliant at craft and watch the right films and read the right books and eat at the right places.
In fact I'm going to start a society. An appreciation society. Perhaps we can call it 'Infinite Wednesday Club' and we can get together and do nothing, and be very dull and rebel against everything with our passivity.
Let's bake cakes and not know where the latest bar is. Let's read books we love again and again, in fact let's have a book club where we only read books that we've read before. Let's never see unhappy german films by that director who made Funny Games. Let's wear lots of clothes because we're cold. Let's grow our hair because we want to put it up in a ponytail, not because all the Frankie girls are wearing it long. Let's not ride cute vintage bikes and let's not buy oversized non-prescription glasses. Let's never talk to people like we're waiting for someone cooler to arrive. Let's ask questions about each other and really want to know the answer. Let's not just communicate using Twitter. Let's have pets and stay in the one house for years and years. Let's travel to the places we want to go too, rather than the ones on Lonely Planet's Blue list. Let's build tree-houses and let's not go thrift shopping. ( Maybe op-shopping...)
Let's just be. Usually on a wednesday.
Oh I hear you. I stopped subscribing to all the blogs that made me feel less ace about my life (and it was a few) - I don't want to read people with their sugar coated perfect lives, which doesn't exist! I like it real. And I stopped reading magazines, because I don't look like a Frankie model. My hair is growing out, unkept, unwashed since Sunday and needs a new home hair colour and I am all black and basic because you don't know when your child is going to smear something revolting on you.
ReplyDeleteI was at the Drs yesterday and didn't realise until after I left the Drs office that Ruby had been wiping her snot all over my jacket and FACE. I am sure the Dr noticed, man having a kid is hot. I thought she was rubbing my face lovingly, no.
I like daggy television shows, we sit under blankets every night and eat dinner and watch neighbours, my car is aqua and I love instant coffee over fancy shop coffee. I am WAY uncool, but being cool is for losers.
Comfort is the best and you are ace.
Reading this has just made me wonder, you know, I haven't seen you and me in the same room at the same time, is it possible we are the same person?
ReplyDeleteYou sound so completely excellent, and so far all I've done is talk to you over the phone (insert sadface re: your work musings) and not organise a New Moon day. (Soon!) So much of what you just said is exactly who I am. Let's have pets and stay in the one house for years and years. Me too! I like dyeing my hair and turning on the heater all the time in winter. I have the heater on right now! And am waiting until my hair gets longer and then I am dyeing it red! Anyway, what I am saying with this blather is that I would join your Wednesday club and you are cooler than anyone who graced the pages of Frankie. Also none of their models even smile and they all slouch.
Aw, you two are just ace. It makes me feel like I'm back in primary school and just become best friends because we all like the same colour socks!
ReplyDeleteIt so funny Sal, everytime I read your blog I kinda want your life, its sounds so nice and full of lovely.
And Fiona, I may just be a figment of your brain. Are you writing this right now? Is there really anyone on the other end of the phone at work?????
Oh, OH! Why don't I see you more often? I sit around and I sigh that I seem to meet so many people who I can't consider anything above fucktard status, and yet here you are, being awesome right under my nose! (Wait, does that sound weird?)
ReplyDeletePlease start that club. We'll sit around not being painfully cool and it will be wonderful.